cessation.
ㅤ

I've lost all my sanity.

‎It's been about a month and a half now.

‎But it still feels unreal.

‎Like a prolonged bad dream.

‎‎‎I feel like i exist on the sidelines.

‎Nothing is enough.

I feel emptier than ever.

No one seems worth trusting anymore.

‎‎‎The last time i remember feeling

This broken and helpless,

Was at the age of 12,

Right after " it " happened.
‎
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

‎I'm aware that the only way out of this
‎‎‎Is to end it myself.
‎But i keep failing at that too.
‎I've just been growing colder, detached,
‎And more " selfish " as the days pass.
I tried my best to distract myself,
At least as much as i could.
I thought changing my appearance,
Would somehow help me run away
From the memories.
So in a desperate attempt,
I impulsively dyed my hair pink.
But it didn't change anything.
I thought turning the worst month
Of my life, into some songs,
Would make me feel okay.
But it just worsened it.
‎So i guess i've made my choice,
Hopefully, for the last time.
I've gathered all the equipment
That i'll need, to go through with it.
I've weighed out all my options,
‎‎And picked the safest one.
Only thing left to do now,
‎‎Is to wait for the day to arrive.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

‎I'll only have to pretend to be sane,
‎‎‎Until i have what i need.
‎This is all i want now, i'm exhausted.
One final attempt.
I have to make it work.
‎‎People may say or feel whatever they
‎‎‎Wish to when it's done.
‎I don't think i care anymore.
If you've ever given me,
Or my music a listen, Thank you.
As i leave this final entry
In plain sight, know that
I only do so hoping that
you stumble across it.
You know who you are <3
I want you to hear me when i say this.

I love you.
Despite everything, it's still you.
And It will always be you.
None of this is your fault.
‎‎‎And i hope you make peace with that.

I hope you're safe.
i hope you're happy.

I'll miss you, my love.

‎I wish everyone that has ever been
‎‎‎A part of my life, the best with their lives.
‎
‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

‎Farewell.